Welcome to my world.

I have always been prone to being highly focused on logic and morality.

I like to look at the big picture…to project things out to see where they end up if I keep following the current line of logic.

I feel a strong obligation to others and to the greater good. To do what’s right…knowing that there is no such thing…only personal responsibility to do what we feel we can live with.

All of a sudden, it seems that everyone else is finally being thrust into my world. Morality and logic are literally the headlines of the day. Am I peaking? Is this my moment? I kid.

We are right back where we started at the beginning of this pandemic. Or is it an epidemic? There are no answers. There are no tools. There are no solutions. Logic and personal responsibility are yet again the only tools we have at our disposal. More questions than answers. I am yet again in a place where I cannot agree with the “rules” that are “keeping us safe.” I am overwhelmed with the hypocrisy of what I was told last year and what I am told now. Last year my child couldn’t go to school due to crossing state lines…this year she can attend day 5 with a positive Covid case.

If I write about it…draw the lines of logic for you…will I get attacked for being privileged? Will some side plot overwhelm my argument of logic and personal responsibility, negating my points and personally attacking my worth as a human? Will I again be forced into questioning my place in the world as a good person? Will people argue on my post about whether I have the right to an opinion at all?

We have once again lost the plot as my child sits in silent lunch, losing playdates who don’t know the right answer either. My sons question daily whether they should see their friends or whether it is safer for everyone if they stay home and stare at the screen. Plans are canceled, friends call and ask if they should go to work, my step-son wondering if he will need to have a booster or quarantine again just to satisfy an arbitrary college rule. My doctor refuses to see me regardless of the CDC guidelines, families are split for weeks due to different test results and symptoms. The insanity rages on. Health care workers burn out. Teachers burn out. Jobs go unfilled. We work for a paycheck and just keep paying the bills that go up up up. We all just keep managing the stress. The stock market holds strong. We wait. And I question whether it is worth writing about it at all.