• Alastar Connor


I did it. I bleached my own hair. The results are not pretty. At first, I tried to fix it myself. Then I panicked and tried to find someone who could fix it as fast as possible before anyone saw it.

I will never claim to be perfect. So why do I cling to denying the things about me that aren’t?

Because we all have naturally beautiful hair. Perfectly straight. Perfectly curly. Gorgeous skin. Fabulous bodies. We are all naturally perfect. Our perfection materializes without effort. None of us struggle with money. With inner turmoil. With parenting. With our marriages. None of us struggle.

We are effortlessly perfect.

I have a given over to living with honesty, transparency, and emotional integrity. You have all seen my inner struggles out in the public in my writing. In my morning pondering, I have been wondering how I could have such diametrically opposed opinions.

Be authentic. Find your tribe that loves you for who you are. Enable others to be real by showing your truth. Love yourself. Be kind to yourself.

Don’t tell anyone you bleach your hair. Don’t let anyone see your hair in anything but a perfect state. Don’t own up to where your clothing comes from or how much it really cost. Hide your imperfections. Hide your mistakes and missteps. Berate yourself for anything you do that doesn’t work out.

What kind of bullshit is that inner dialogue?

So here I am telling you all. I did it. I ruined my own hair in an effort to be the woman of action that I am. I am creative. I like DIY. I am impatient. I want it done now. I have a vision and I want to create it. I am cheap...NO, wrong word, thrifty. I have weird...NO that is judgemental and mean...personal (and based on my own values)...ideas about how money should be spent and what is worth spending on. Sometimes living life with these wonderful attributes doesn't work out. And that’s ok. It isn’t the end of the world. I WILL NOT live a life that allows fear of being judged as a person based on my freakin’ HAIR. I have grown beyond that! What is it that I think that even though I bare my soul through my writing, it is HAIR that will be the end of me? That HAIR will delete my value? Seriously?!?

Come on people. Let’s rise above together. Roots, greys, botched DIY dye and bleach jobs, weight gain, clothing challenges, depression, mental illness, anxiety, quirks, missteps, mistakes, apologies, self-love, forgiveness, acceptance, and all. I’m leading the way. Yes, I’m going to get my hair fixed on Tuesday...but here I am. And sometimes I take matters into my own hands and it doesn’t work out. But sometimes it produces amazing results...more often than not. I’m not afraid to try. To take a chance.

I WILL NOT be afraid of when things aren’t perfect. I WILL give people the chance to not judge me on my imperfections. I KNOW we are better than that. And I will not judge yours. I can see yours for what they are and love you regardless. Because it’s YOU I want to see. Not your hair.

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